Yesterday, a friend of mine invited me out to Yoga to the People. I had never gone before, although I used to practice yoga (sporadically, at best, but practiced nonetheless). I'd been kind of off all day, after fighting with my alarm clock in the morning and not having time to do centering prayer (as mocking as it is, I'm determined to master it!). It had been about a year since I last did yoga, and before that probably another year. But, since I know what "downward dog" means and tend to consider myself fairly skilled at "tree pose," I thought I'd go along.
When I arrived, it was slightly crowded. By the time the class started, it was VERY crowded. I was squished next to my friend, who bashfully let me know that she was very new at yoga and so she couldn't always follow along. I jokingly reassured her with my "oh, no worries, I usually spend half of yoga in child's pose!"
Little did I know... Once class started we focused on our breath and began to move through the "flow sequence." Ten seconds into downward dog and I was feeling very hot (with all the other bodies in the room), slightly faint, and my squashed up stomach was feeling nauseous and full from a lunch of pizza five hours ago. Woof.
I did a couple flow sequences, trying to find strength in warrior one and two (usually my favorite poses) and mostly just trying like mad to hold onto my consciousness in the heavy, damp air. Finally, I gave into the feeling and put myself into child's pose (as we had been assured we could return whenever we "lost our breath").
Child's pose, for those of you who don't torture yourself with the pretzel-bending and breath-finding of yoga, is when you kneel and sit back on your feet while you bend over your knees, put your cheek to the floor, and stretch your arms in front of you. It gives one simultaneously a feeling of hiding within a safe, dark space and prostrating oneself completely in front of the great practice.
Though I tried to join the flow for each new pose sequence, I really did spend 75% of the class folded up into child's pose. While in child's pose, I focused on my even breath, and tried to find strength in the listening to my body and giving myself the space I needed, instead of feeling like a lame, weak, out of shape person who CAN'T EVEN DO YOGA.
After class, soaking with sweat and content in my breath, red-faced with embarrassment acquired as I faced my friend (who had totally kept up with the whole pace of the class), I chuckled to myself as I walked to the BART to head home thinking: God, if you were trying to force me to find space for centering, you did it.
Quote from class (from Leonard Cohen): "Everything is cracked. That's how the light gets in."
Another point for the universe.
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